


Not To Me

by StrayDevil15



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Humor, Hurt Lucifer, Post Reveal, chloe and trixie are lucifer's new and improved family change my mind, dan and ella make an appearance, lucifer is a cinnamon roll, who has so many issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 12:43:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17001888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrayDevil15/pseuds/StrayDevil15
Summary: Set approx a month after Lucifer killed Cain and Chloe saw the truth. Lucifer is having a supernatural problem, and Chloe and Trixie each show him how much they love him.





	Not To Me

Lucifer had always known that his actions had consequences. He knew that there would be repercussions for his actions at the loft, knew that his father would not just let his killing of a human - even an immortal one - slide. But he hadn't expected this. 

"Cool shades, dude!" Ella exclaimed as Lucifer passed her lab on the way to Detective Decker's desk. He nodded in acknowledgement, but didnt say anything. If he engaged in conversation, she would eventually ask why he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and she knew him well enough by now and was more than intelligent enough to be able to recognise when he wasnt telling the whole truth. Lucifer's plan for dealing with his current situation - if it could even be called a plan at all - could be paraphrased to "avoid it until it goes away." 

As he sat at the Detective's desk, waiting with uncharacteristic patience for her to arrive, who else but Detective Douche would show up. Dan shot him a sympathetic look, detouring by Detective Decker's desk. Bloody fantastic. 

"Drink too much last night man?" He asked, gesturing to the darkly tinted lenses covering Lucifer's eyes. 

"Naturally," he replied, fiddling with his cufflinks, "when do i ever not?" Dan chuckled, shaking his head and thankfully walked off. One disaster avoided, several more to go. 

When Chloe finally showed up, a full 45 minutes late, Lucifer nearly jumped out of her chair, his gaze cataloguing every out-of-place hair, the few mistakes in her makeup, and her scruffier than usual attire. She looked terrible, not to put too fine a point on it. 

"Are you alright, Detective?"

She sighed, slumping down into her chair and putting her head in her hands. That was probably a 'no', then.

"Trixie completely forgot to inform me that she had a school excursion today and would need to be at school half an hour earlier. I had to rush around doing everything i normally have plently of time to do in just a few minutes. Then, since by the time we got to the school the bus for the excursion had already left, i had to drive her to the place myself. Traffic was awful on the way back too." She explained, her voice a little muffled by her arms. "Thanks for waiting for me," she lifted her head up to flash him a genuine smile before going limp again. Poor dear, starting off the morning stressed out was almost guaranteed to ruin the rest of your day. 

"I was going to do a coffee run as soon as you arrived anyway, is there anything special you would like or just the usual?" He asked. Having something else to do would make it easier to win the battle against his weird impulse to give her a neck and shoulder massage. She hummed tunelessly for a moment.

"Same coffee as usual, but can you get me a caramel slice or five instead of a lemon bar?" 

"Of course. I'll be back in a few," Lucifer replied, not even bothering to fight down his grin as she called over her shoulder,

"You're amazing! Best friend ever!" 

Lucifer, stepped outside the precinct, took one look at the traffic and shuddered. Fortunately, he had another, much faster method of transportation. 

Ducking into an alley, he quickly checked no one was watching and leapt into the air, wings snapping out behind him to catch the refreshing breeze. Feud with his father be damned, he'd missed this. Practically glowing with sheer glee, Lucifer did a couple of perfectly-executed somersaults before banking sharply to the right and soaring off towards the local cafe. 

When Lucifer returned barely a minute later, hair windblown and grinning like her daughter on Easter, bearing a massive platter of desserts and her coffee, Chloe couldnt help but roll her eyes, a fond smile lighting up her face. 

"Don't judge me, i have a sweet tooth and an incredibly fast metabolism." Her partner blushed, folding his lanky form gracefully to sit perched on the edge of her desk. Chloe snickered, reaching over to grab a mini raspberry cheesecake from the platter and simultaneously giving him a one-armed hug. 

"I'm not judging, it's cute! Not sure i want to ask what happened to your hair though," she elbowed his side playfully, earning an eye roll and a sigh.

"Believe it or not, i dont go and have sex the second im out of your sight. I've seen less traffic in some poor sod's Hell loop, so i flew." He snarked.  
"Of course you flew to the cafe. Its like a 10 minute walk you lazy bastard!" Lucifer poked his tongue out at her, the childish expression not quite as amusing with his expressive eyes hidden. "What's with the sunnies, anyway?" Chloe was expecting something silly, like 'i got jizz in my eye' or 'I played video games for 8 hours straight,' not for Lucifer to flinch like she'd struck him. "Lucifer, seriously are you OK?" He ducked his head, breathing a little faster. When he finally spoke, his voice was small and shaky, lacking all his usual suave confidence.  
"I cant make it go away," he admitted, sounding like he was on the verge of tears.

"Can't make what go away?" She asked, dread pooling in her stomach like tar, oily and suffocating. 

"Not here," he whispered, "is there somewhere private? A storage room, something like that?" 

"Yeah. Yeah, there is, just follow me, OK?" Lucifer nodded, taking her offered hand and holding tight as she led him through the maze of desks, past the interrogation rooms, the break room, evidence lockup, down a short stairwell and into a dimly-lit, spacious room filled with shelves upon shelves of dusty boxes of files. "This is where the department keeps all the old case files that haven't been digitised yet," she explained. "no one bothers to come down here anymore, it's as close to private as we can get in this place." Lucifer nodded, curling up against one of the metal shelves, knees almost touching his chin. 

"Do you remember how i told you that angels determine their appearance through their own self-image? That i gained a monstrous form because after my fall, i felt like a monster?" He began.  
"Yeah, i remember. Amenadiel worked that out, right?"  
"Yes, he did. That was why after giving Mum her own universe, being ready to come clean to you about everything, i lost the ability to show that face; because for the first time in millenia, I didnt see myself as a monster anymore. After I -" Lucifer's voice cracked, and Chloe sat down beside him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "After i killed Cain, that devil face came back."  
"That I definitely remember," Chloe joked, knowing how hard this must be for Lucifer and trying to make him feel a little more comfortable. He chuckled, loosely wrapping an arm around her smaller frame.  
"Before, I could choose which face i showed - I had complete control, i could even choose who in a crowd of people standing in front of me would see it, and everyone else would be none the wiser. Now? Not so much," Lucifer finally took off his sunglasses, revealing the eyes she'd only ever seen twice. Jet black sclera surrounded irises that glowed with phantom flames, flickering scarlet and sunset orange. A far cry from the warm brown she'd come to know and love, but somehow still just as expressive and beautiful as his normal eyes. She told him as much, earning a bashful smile. 

"This just started today?" She asked, easily switching back into detective mode.  
"No," Lucifer chuckled humourlessly, "today is just the first day I've had to do anything about it." Noticing Chloe's frown and slightly tilted head, he twisted to face his back to her, taking off his shirt to reveal a massive, irregular patch of crimson, ravaged flesh extending from below his belt to just beneath his shoulder blades, wrapping around to his chest, one side ending a couple inches below his collarbone, the other just above his navel. On autopilot, Chloe's left hand covered her mouth, her right tentatively reaching out to touch the remaining normal skin on his chest, exploring the blurred line between her Lucifer and the Devil. 

"Holy shit," she muttered, "does it hurt?" Lucifer gently took her hand in his, removing it from his chest and rebuttoning his shirt with his other hand.  
"No. They're not real injuries, remember? Think of it as a mask, only ever since i took a human life, i can't take off the mask anymore." She nodded, still shocked that he'd been hiding this for over a month. 

"Because you think that you're a monster. You killed someone, and now you think that you don't even deserve to be able to pretend to be anything but a monster," she realised. Lucifer was staring pointedly at the floor. Yeah, that kind of came out wrong. "Lucifer, look at me," Chloe demanded, tenderly taking his head in her hands and looking him dead in the eye - in eyes that were both so foreign and so familiar. "I've said it a thousand times and I'll say it a thousand more until you believe me: you are not a monster. I know how you feel, Lucifer, I've taken a couple of lives in the line of duty myself. But the way you need to think about it is that you made a choice. It wasn't a choice between right or wrong, it was a choice between your survival and mine, or his. Yes, you killed a man. But he has been responsible for the deaths of hundreds, if not thousands of people. He threatened to kill you, and he would have killed me if i hadnt been wearing a vest. You made the same choice anyone in that situation would have done. You chose to protect yourself and the people you care about, instead of letting a murderous sociopath get away with yet another terrible crime. That doesn't make you a hero, but it certainly doesn't make you a monster either."

"Then what does it make me?" Chloe smiled ruefully, hugging him a little tighter.  
"A survivor. A protector. Take your pick, the English language has no shortage of adjectives. But 'monster' is not, and never will be, on the long list of things that you are, Lucifer Morningstar." Lucifer had been feeling so much over the last few months, and even with Dr Linda's help he'd still been bottling up most of his emotions. Chloe had just inadvertently picked the last lock holding back the flood. He collapsed into his Detective's embrace, crying openly as she rubbed his back in soothing circles, resting her cheek on his head as he buried his face into her shoulder, clinging tight. 

When Lucifer's sobs had subsided into sniffles, Chloe switched from rubbing his back to stroking his hair, eliciting something that sounded suspiciously like a purr.  
"You know, it's all well and good telling you this stuff, but i think I need to prove it to you, too," she said, thinking out loud. Lucifer laughed, the sound a bit rough from his breakdown but still a genuine laugh.  
"Should i be scared?" He joked, nuzzling into her neck.  
"Definitely," she replied, trying to sound sinister and failing miserably, both giggling at Chloe's rusty acting skills and Lucifer's increasingly ridiculous and out-of-context Godfather impressions. 

"No, but seriously though, would you like to come over for a game night sometime this week? Trixie's really missed you, and obviously i wouldn't invite a monster into my home with my daughter, so I can prove my point at the same time." Lucifer blessed her with a genuine goofy smile.  
"I would love to, Chloe."


End file.
